Pains, Lessons and Blessings. Part I

"Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect and Thank God it can go."
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2008 has been my own whirlpool of ups and downs. Got me close to tears at some point, crying my heart out in another, but happy and contented most of the time.

Lessons-

COURAGE.

The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing the heart.

There were a dozen times during the year when I have felt defeated.
I was almost in tears when I found out that Daddy was sick. That was by far, the biggest blow. I immediately prayed for him to be okay, but the damage was already done. One of the hardest parts, apart from from not-knowing and dealing with uncertainties is facing my shattered views. Just because he's the best father anyone could have ever had and he takes good care of everything, and he lifts you up even from the deepest pit of your darkest days, it doesn't mean that he has this impenetrable shield and he's always strong.
Those six months was among our darkest days, and I thank God with all my heart that it's all over now.
Yes, I've dealt with my shattered views about my father's health. But how I see him as a person will never change, or shatter like a broken glass. It's hard as steel.
He is still the world's greatest dad.

ACCEPTANCE.

Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it.

One failed mark last semester was enough to send me locked up in my room for three straight days while crying non-stop. That sucks. A lot. But thankfully, I've gotten over it with a lot of prayer that everything will turn out fine. The thing about failure is (though it sucks a lot), it gives you the opportunity to bounce back higher.
Because of that subject, I'm taking different classes now for the first time. Technically. It's not really the first, but the first one's internship so that doesn't count. I had to face my first 200 hours of internship alone while everybody else had to take classes on Signals and Spectra again over the summer. (Remember when we filed a complaint regarding of our professor and I'm the only one among my friends who passed the subject. Yep, that's why.)
Now, I've decided to omit taking different classes on my things-that-I-hate-to-do-since-it-totally-sucks list. It does not really classify as overly-majorly bad. In fact, I'm happy that I'm taking different classes. It's good that I'm learning different things and I got to spend one whole day every week with Ann and Ria alone. And looking back, it's good that things got really shaky last semester break. Since I was too worried about the possibility of not graduating on time, I got Archie and myself into skipping the semester break and starting with our internship early to avoid schedule-problems. Now Archie, Billy and Gaudi, all three who expected to be summer grads are almost done with 400 hours of internship! Now all that's left for us to do is get pass this huge obstacle called thesis back to back with pre-board exams and we'll be done with school. For good. Best of luck to all of us!

CHARITY.

Kindness is contagious.

Probably one of the best things that I've done this year is embracing the gift of service by joining Charity Focus. Writing for HelpOthers.Org and touching other people's hearts from different places across the globe really IS something. This is certainly one good way of spreading my blessings brought by other people's kindness.


Too bad I'm too busy at school, I've posted only five stories so far. That's nothing compared to dozens of stories most volunteers post each day. I promise to make time during the weeks to come. Writing for HelpOthers.Org has become my sort of theraphy. My personal escape from my busy world. :) Here are some of my favorite comments posted to my stories.

From my story Smiles (April 14)

On Apr 16, 2008, lovebug says:
Life is very often, not a pretty picture, but you gave what you had. That is enough.

On Jul 13, 2008, Aurelia says:
Smile because what you did made a big difference in him...a few coins and a big smile...perfec combo. :0) ~Aurelia

From my story Straight From a Woman's Heart (April 16)

On Apr 16, 2008, martzi says:
it was proven that God really exist using the people around us. your sharing is really good. here is my smiles for you.

On May 1, 2008, lovebug says:
Sorry, it has taken so much time to catch up with your story of April 16th, it really touched my heart. Hope you will post again, I might learn something before my time is over.

From my post Happy Father's Day to my Angel In Disguise (June 15)

On Jun 15, 2008, wayfarer says:
Arnee, I used to sail with guys from Sierra Leone who did the same thing, worked at sea ten months a year to provide for their families. I thought it was heroic then and I still do. Your dad is a hero!

On Jun 15, 2008, lmil1954 says:
That is a wonderful tribute to your dad, arnee. You are blessed and so is he. Happy father's Day to all...and my daughter said it to me this morning too (and Im her mom) Love, Lida:)

On Jun 15, 2008, makesomeonesmile says:
That is great arnee! What a special dad and special person you are too!

From my story Love, Life and Service (July 8)

On Jul 8, 2008, JuneBug says:
Yes, a beautiful story! There were many services I have missed because of the pain of my disease. I always regret missing out. Then I came to the conclusion, I'm gonna hurt wherever I am, so might as well be in church with my church family and growing closer to God. Yes, He knows our pain well....:)

From my post Eight Lies of a Mother (August 29)

On Sep 1, 2008, warmth says:
i salute all the women i know of my life. Your story have inspired me to appreciate them. Thank u and God Bless u


There you go. The first part of my year-end report. Part II's due tomorrow. This is a promise I have to keep.
Gotta go. Gotta go. I still have to help mom with all the cooking. :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! Cheers to another chance to get it right!

I'm sure as hell thankful that I take down notes!

For the third time this week, I'm on this very spot. Trying to pull things together, get pass these loopholes that are seriously starting to affect my memory. It has been a while and I wanted to write about lot of things. I planned to write about lot of things. Some of these things even hit me when I least expected it. I have no idea why most of them vanish into thin air when I'm at this very spot. The only reason I managed to get pass my first sentence (which is something I've failed to do in my previous attempts) is that I've got help from a notepad.
It's THAT serious.
Leave it to my memory to forget about stuff just when I am about to make use of those stuff.
I even had to write some of them down just so I wouldn't forget!
Oh well, I guess jotting down notes would not be too bad. The good thing is, it doesn't take much getting used to. I've had lot of practice at school. And now I have to do the same for my blog, for crying out loud!
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Let me happily announce that I am enjoying my Christmas break a lot. Although there's a lot of school stuff I ought to be dealing with (it's hard to concentrate on school stuff when you're all prepped up for the holidays), I am very happy that I am getting a lot of sleep than usual. And I get a chance to read books. And go shopping till my feet are screaming in agony from walking from store to store and I am nearly broke.
Unfortunately and inevitably, it's only just a matter of time before I go back to zombie-slash-vampire mode. Zombie- since I will definitely have to deal again with a serious case of eye bags fully equipped with the dark circles under my eyes. I would be somewhat disoriented during the day due to lack of sleep, I will talk less and stare into nothingness most of the time.
Vampire- not because I'm only awake during night time but awake during both day time and night time. Stephenie Meyer has been feeding a lot of vampire facts into my mind. I know the 'being nocturnal' stuff about vampires is just a myth since vampires don't sleep. At all. We will surely have a lot of common then for the weeks to come, while I stay up all night doing my thesis.
But before that, I would definitely have to do this again. Notes or no notes. I will write about some of the good things that happened this year.
Somewhat like a year-end report.
But I guess I have to make a written list first. Anything mental does not function really well right now.