Pains, Lessons and Blessings. Part I

"Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect and Thank God it can go."
****
2008 has been my own whirlpool of ups and downs. Got me close to tears at some point, crying my heart out in another, but happy and contented most of the time.

Lessons-

COURAGE.

The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing the heart.

There were a dozen times during the year when I have felt defeated.
I was almost in tears when I found out that Daddy was sick. That was by far, the biggest blow. I immediately prayed for him to be okay, but the damage was already done. One of the hardest parts, apart from from not-knowing and dealing with uncertainties is facing my shattered views. Just because he's the best father anyone could have ever had and he takes good care of everything, and he lifts you up even from the deepest pit of your darkest days, it doesn't mean that he has this impenetrable shield and he's always strong.
Those six months was among our darkest days, and I thank God with all my heart that it's all over now.
Yes, I've dealt with my shattered views about my father's health. But how I see him as a person will never change, or shatter like a broken glass. It's hard as steel.
He is still the world's greatest dad.

ACCEPTANCE.

Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it.

One failed mark last semester was enough to send me locked up in my room for three straight days while crying non-stop. That sucks. A lot. But thankfully, I've gotten over it with a lot of prayer that everything will turn out fine. The thing about failure is (though it sucks a lot), it gives you the opportunity to bounce back higher.
Because of that subject, I'm taking different classes now for the first time. Technically. It's not really the first, but the first one's internship so that doesn't count. I had to face my first 200 hours of internship alone while everybody else had to take classes on Signals and Spectra again over the summer. (Remember when we filed a complaint regarding of our professor and I'm the only one among my friends who passed the subject. Yep, that's why.)
Now, I've decided to omit taking different classes on my things-that-I-hate-to-do-since-it-totally-sucks list. It does not really classify as overly-majorly bad. In fact, I'm happy that I'm taking different classes. It's good that I'm learning different things and I got to spend one whole day every week with Ann and Ria alone. And looking back, it's good that things got really shaky last semester break. Since I was too worried about the possibility of not graduating on time, I got Archie and myself into skipping the semester break and starting with our internship early to avoid schedule-problems. Now Archie, Billy and Gaudi, all three who expected to be summer grads are almost done with 400 hours of internship! Now all that's left for us to do is get pass this huge obstacle called thesis back to back with pre-board exams and we'll be done with school. For good. Best of luck to all of us!

CHARITY.

Kindness is contagious.

Probably one of the best things that I've done this year is embracing the gift of service by joining Charity Focus. Writing for HelpOthers.Org and touching other people's hearts from different places across the globe really IS something. This is certainly one good way of spreading my blessings brought by other people's kindness.


Too bad I'm too busy at school, I've posted only five stories so far. That's nothing compared to dozens of stories most volunteers post each day. I promise to make time during the weeks to come. Writing for HelpOthers.Org has become my sort of theraphy. My personal escape from my busy world. :) Here are some of my favorite comments posted to my stories.

From my story Smiles (April 14)

On Apr 16, 2008, lovebug says:
Life is very often, not a pretty picture, but you gave what you had. That is enough.

On Jul 13, 2008, Aurelia says:
Smile because what you did made a big difference in him...a few coins and a big smile...perfec combo. :0) ~Aurelia

From my story Straight From a Woman's Heart (April 16)

On Apr 16, 2008, martzi says:
it was proven that God really exist using the people around us. your sharing is really good. here is my smiles for you.

On May 1, 2008, lovebug says:
Sorry, it has taken so much time to catch up with your story of April 16th, it really touched my heart. Hope you will post again, I might learn something before my time is over.

From my post Happy Father's Day to my Angel In Disguise (June 15)

On Jun 15, 2008, wayfarer says:
Arnee, I used to sail with guys from Sierra Leone who did the same thing, worked at sea ten months a year to provide for their families. I thought it was heroic then and I still do. Your dad is a hero!

On Jun 15, 2008, lmil1954 says:
That is a wonderful tribute to your dad, arnee. You are blessed and so is he. Happy father's Day to all...and my daughter said it to me this morning too (and Im her mom) Love, Lida:)

On Jun 15, 2008, makesomeonesmile says:
That is great arnee! What a special dad and special person you are too!

From my story Love, Life and Service (July 8)

On Jul 8, 2008, JuneBug says:
Yes, a beautiful story! There were many services I have missed because of the pain of my disease. I always regret missing out. Then I came to the conclusion, I'm gonna hurt wherever I am, so might as well be in church with my church family and growing closer to God. Yes, He knows our pain well....:)

From my post Eight Lies of a Mother (August 29)

On Sep 1, 2008, warmth says:
i salute all the women i know of my life. Your story have inspired me to appreciate them. Thank u and God Bless u


There you go. The first part of my year-end report. Part II's due tomorrow. This is a promise I have to keep.
Gotta go. Gotta go. I still have to help mom with all the cooking. :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! Cheers to another chance to get it right!

I'm sure as hell thankful that I take down notes!

For the third time this week, I'm on this very spot. Trying to pull things together, get pass these loopholes that are seriously starting to affect my memory. It has been a while and I wanted to write about lot of things. I planned to write about lot of things. Some of these things even hit me when I least expected it. I have no idea why most of them vanish into thin air when I'm at this very spot. The only reason I managed to get pass my first sentence (which is something I've failed to do in my previous attempts) is that I've got help from a notepad.
It's THAT serious.
Leave it to my memory to forget about stuff just when I am about to make use of those stuff.
I even had to write some of them down just so I wouldn't forget!
Oh well, I guess jotting down notes would not be too bad. The good thing is, it doesn't take much getting used to. I've had lot of practice at school. And now I have to do the same for my blog, for crying out loud!
****
Let me happily announce that I am enjoying my Christmas break a lot. Although there's a lot of school stuff I ought to be dealing with (it's hard to concentrate on school stuff when you're all prepped up for the holidays), I am very happy that I am getting a lot of sleep than usual. And I get a chance to read books. And go shopping till my feet are screaming in agony from walking from store to store and I am nearly broke.
Unfortunately and inevitably, it's only just a matter of time before I go back to zombie-slash-vampire mode. Zombie- since I will definitely have to deal again with a serious case of eye bags fully equipped with the dark circles under my eyes. I would be somewhat disoriented during the day due to lack of sleep, I will talk less and stare into nothingness most of the time.
Vampire- not because I'm only awake during night time but awake during both day time and night time. Stephenie Meyer has been feeding a lot of vampire facts into my mind. I know the 'being nocturnal' stuff about vampires is just a myth since vampires don't sleep. At all. We will surely have a lot of common then for the weeks to come, while I stay up all night doing my thesis.
But before that, I would definitely have to do this again. Notes or no notes. I will write about some of the good things that happened this year.
Somewhat like a year-end report.
But I guess I have to make a written list first. Anything mental does not function really well right now.

fully Booked.

I took the day off.

I planned to spend the day with Pito. I did. But Pito has been terribly quiet for the past few days, it was driving me crazy. His eyes were drooping. He won't eat a thing and is asleep most of the time. When he's awake, he just sits lazily, looking very tired, his head slightly leaning to one side.

I am worried sick. I'm not at all used to his being silent almost all the time. I'm glad that he was starting to feel better before he got to bed. He definitely should feel better. We're celebrating his second birthday tomorrow. No kiddie parties this time. Just lunch at Leslie's with the whole family plus Archie. It will break my heart to see Pito not in the mood for some fun due to some stupid pneumonia. I wouldn't like that.

Since Pito spent most of the day in bed, and since I was still feeling tired from the long drive to Batangas City yesterday, I decided to do the famous catching up on sleep over the weekend thing. For a moment there I thought it was doing wonders but then I started to feel rather gloomy. I felt the urge to get up and do something. I bailed myself out of doing my homework and downloaded New Moon instead. I've just finished Twilight last Wednesday, finished it in fifteen hours so Archie and I can finally watch the movie after class on Thursday. Since then I've been wanting to finish all four books of the Twilight Saga. Unfortunately, since I am definitely one of the very few late bloomers who heard about the book ages ago but had just found time to read it since the movie is coming out, I had to pay the price. Now that I finally urged myself to understand this obsession every other readers have, I am having difficulty finding the books in bookstores! Now I feel like I'm in a trance. I haven't finished New Moon yet and I'm already thinking about the next book. And the next.

Yeah.
I feel like I'm in a trance.
I feel this really strong urge to click the Publish Post button right away and get back to New Moon.
Yeah. I am in a trance.
Now I feel like I would happily oblige.

My Crate Escape.

I am back for a moment. :)

I'll be back to school for my twelve noon class later on so while I'm having my three hour break, I decided to do something decent. It was a toss between reviewing my notes and blogging. Obviously, the latter won by a landslide. That would be two votes out of two since I only have two hands.
I just don't want my blog to feel rather left out. No, I didn't become Victor Van Dort's corpse bride. It's just that I am currently caught in my own whirlwind of school works and another 200 hours of internship and thesis and technical study and pre - board exam review during Saturdays. As much as I wanted to post something here before I forget the details of what I was going to write, I couldn't find the time. School has just been consuming all my time and energy.
There were few times I have been able to sneak away. Too bad some didn't last long. Before long Pito would either appear carrying a Walt Disney book or drag me outside to buy candy. Reading to Pito has become one of our cutest bonding moments. I try to teach him new words but he's just head over heels in love with Mickey Mouse whom he calls Wickey Mouse. I once tried to introduce Minnie Mouse to him. His efforts showed but Wickey Mouse has clearly won his heart.

Pito: (pointing to Minnie Mouse) Wickey Mouse!
Arnee: No. It's Minnie Mouse. Minnie.
Pito: Minnie Mouse?
Arnee: Yup! Minnie Mouse!
Pito: (happily) Minnie Wickey Mouse!

He was so happy while saying Minnie Wickey Mouse over and over again. It was like he had just found his new bestfriend.

So each morning, eventhough I'm almost late for school or the office, I would happily oblige whenever he sits beside me with a new Walt Disney book wide open while saying "Basa tayo!". The Walt Disney set, composed of books 1-18 were mine when I was young. Now I feel very proud that Pito has become so inclined to books. Thank you so much Wickey, I mean, Mickey Mouse! (wink)

Some of the very few times I managed to sneak away were mostly spent with Archie. We're either at the mall, the movie house or in my house watching DVD.

Still together! Still lost!

Skipper: We've lost engine one.
Private: And engine two is no longer on fire.
Kowalski:[on the microphone] This is your captain speaking. I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we will be landing immediately.
[everyone claps]
Kowalski: Tha bad news is we're crash landing.

Last week , I dragged him into the movie house to watch Madagascar 2. As expected, we were laughing our heads off the whole time. I loved the first movie and I was crazy about this one too. :) Archie and I were among the four people who didn't come with kids. Everybody else was toting along little kids! It was fun seeing that they actually made seeing the movie a family affair. The movie wouldn't be the same without little kiddie faces lighting up once their parents finally got hold of their movie tickets. It was remarkable. As soon as the lights went out, I was laughing my heart out along with everybody else. :)

Lo and Behold!

... the new me.
***
Yes, I am currently undergoing a transformation. Thanks to the countless sleepless nights and to the very few non-sleepless nights characterized by my 3 hours of sleep a day, I am about to become... (drum roll) a corpse bride.
Not that I'm getting married anytime soon. It's just that I'm currently dealing with a serious case of eye bags and being on my first day back to school does not contribute much on my plan to take action. There's just so much to do, so much to learn and so many things to deal with. Perhaps what keep us going is the fact that the end is drawing near and we are (hopefully) graduating!
This is it.
Welcome to our final semester. Now the only thing left to do is to leave no room for mistakes and make sure that the 'final' semester stays just that.

final(adj.)- last, concluding, finishing, ultimate, closing, end

Life goes on.

MONDAY.

It's our second anniversary! Archie and I spent the day in Science Discovery. Luckily, there were only 2 customers when we arrived so we found an excuse to act like 5th graders enjoying their educational field trip.


We played this game about some gross stuff in the human body. I think I got 7 out of 10 questions right. That wasn't so bad, especially if you're going up against Archie whom I now call the 'Grossness Expert'.

The Sniff Sniff (Pee yuuu! People Stink.) section was also a lot of fun. I had to force Archie to try all four stations just so we could find out which stinks the most. (evil grin) Funny, he didn't even tried to say 'You've got to be kidding me!'

Imagine smelling all these:

I should have taken a picture of him after each sniff. :D

Fortunately, Archie has survived, saying that the Foot was a total nightmare. But an hour and a half later he was still complaining about the smell which unfortunately chose to linger on his nose a bit longer. Poor Archie!
We also helped this poor man get his organs 'right'. By that I mean placing his organs on the right places. Now, would you want your kidney placed on your left thigh? I don't think so.

We also tried the Flight Simulator, visited the Virtual reef where had an encounter with Mr. T the talking fish, then we went to Robot Inc. and had pictures taken with some cool robots. Then finally, at 2pm we were off to the Planetarium to watch the show. I really had a blast. :) It's fun to act like kids every once in awhile. I mean, being in a serious relationship does not always mean that you both have to be serious all the time.

TUESDAY.

.. was the moment of truth. I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to fix my schedule for next sem. It's good that things are starting to fall back into place. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. I guess the only time I'll stop getting all fidgety is when I'm finally sitting in class and there's no conflict whatsoever in my schedule.

WEDNESDAY.

I spent the entire day with Pito. Since Louise and Renz are in school, I'm all Pito have left as his playmate. It's really funny hanging out with him. He's only turning two but he speaks almost just like Bea who's six years old. I just have to be careful about what comes out my mouth when I'm with him. He has this tendency to be a human tape recorder who repeats whatever it is that he heard you say in an instant.

Pito: Bye Ate Arnee!
Arnee: Bye Pito!
Pito: Bye Pito!

Yep. Just like that. :)

Rock bottom.

'Failure is the best starting point.'
I'm about to prove this- right when I'm over this feeling which 110% SUCKS.

****
The fact that I can hardly open my eyes from so much crying last night does not stop me from dragging myself out of bed to write this post. I have too much on my mind right now and I just wish I could just flush them all down the drain. This would probably help. How I wish.
I used to be this college student who has set a certain rule upon herself and her college life. I can get good grades if I want to, I can settle for low grades if that's what I deserve but never in my entire history of college will I get a failed mark and have to retake the subject again. That would be unacceptable. Or so I thought.
I've held on for that thought for almost 5 years. It was something I believed will keep me different from most people who's taken the same subject twice or thrice. I've once written a letter of complaint about this professor and got away with it, while everybody who has signed the letter I've written apparently did not and still had to retake that subject over the summer. That was a close call. But I got away with it.
Few years back, we all had to scramble just to get our grades up on DC/AC circuits. We had a hard time putting up with a professor who is so brainy we couldn't even get his exams right. I thought I needed a miracle to pass the subject. Unexpectedly, a miracle did happen. That was a close call. But I got away with it.
Although I couldn't understand the words coming from his mouth, I've kept up with a certain professor for a year. I remember straining my ears just to try and understand whatever it is that he was saying. Every single day, all I had heard right was a just a single word. Yeah, just one word for a day. Try listening to someone who chews his tongue like a bubblegum. I doubt you'd understand a word. It was that hard. That's a year wasted and I half expected a failed mark. That was another close call. But I got away with it.
I used to comfort friends once they see that 0.00. I'd always tell them that it's gonna be alright and everything will turn out fine. Until now.
Apparently, these comforting lines proved to be of no effect when applied to self. It's just not working.
I can't really tell what exactly happened. But I can't deny that it was my fault. I can't stop thinking about those times that I should really be studying. Surely I can't bring those back. And now's the time to feel sorry. I feel more scared than sorry. I am graduating by March next year. Or so I thought.
I can't say I was taken by surprise. I was half expecting it. But I was still holding on to the fact that I can get away with it once more. But I was wrong. Now I know how it feels to be such a failure. It sucks.
I've talked to Archie, listened to Shar, said sorry to mom and dad but I still don't think anything could turn out right again after this. All my hopes are gone. I can't even see the famous silver lining on this very dark cloud.
I feel awful.
And scared.
Like a ball dumped into a dark, empty space and couldn't bounce back.

Here's something fish-ee.

When school's over and you can finally have the b-r-e-a-k you've been longing to have, sleep and wake up anytime you want, pig out at midnight while watching your 5th DVD for the day, lay down in bed and do nothing, read a thriller novel when nothing decent is on TV, go shopping and think of anything but your tight deadlines and...
walk into your room and witness a disaster or turn on your computer and fail to see your desktop background because of the countless MS Word icons which serves as a reminder of your thesis and various design projects you've done at school, all you'll want to do is take a break from the 'break' you're having and do everything you can to bring everything back to normal.

That's what I did this morning. After 3 days since the start of the sem break I realized that my world would not be perfect if all the clutter from the past semester is still haunting me. It's like finding the perfect outfit that will match your shoes and feeling really happy about it. That's until you discover a rather large hole at the seam. Or let's put it the other way around. You put on a beautiful dress, begin hunting for the perfect sandals but never find the left one. And now, here I am. 2 large garbage bags and a four-inch thick pile of bond papers I can still use as scratch papers later, my room's now clean and all the last semester's stuff are now securely on their proper places. I can now go on with my much deserved break.

There's a lot of things I am very much looking forward to. Archie and I are turning two next Monday and I'm really excited about that. I miss our scrabble and movie marathon days so hopefully we'll do a lot of catching up on the days to come. Also, Sharmaine, Emilie and I are going out on the 26th. I haven't seen any high school friend for a while and since Shar is who I wanted to see the most, I'm really happy that we're going to see each other real soon.

*****
Last Sunday, Tita Ana, Tita Marie, plus the little gang and I enjoyed our weekend get away to the Ocean Park. It was like having a trip underwater and being up-close to various sea creatures. To sum it all up, the moment I decided to really start looking at them instead of looking at them behind the camera was the same exact moment I realized that everything was simply breathtaking.

Will it be finding Nemo or feeding frenzy? you tell me. :)

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DinO-ish weekend

I know it says Saturday September 27, 2008 above but it's already Sunday in the afternoon as I write this post. I'm just taking a break from loads of school stuff that's filling my precious weekend. I'm still disappointed about what happened last Friday. I guess it hurts more when someone who's very much important to you does something to make you feel sort of left out. I think it's not fair that despite what happened, I'm still stuck here thinking if he's alright or if everything went according to 'their' plan while he, on the other hand obviously do not care about how I am possibly feeling right now.
BUT I refuse to let him spoil my weekend just because his emotional range is that of a teaspoon. In fact, I've been busy. Not just with school crap but goofing around with Ate and Pito too. Yesterday, she woke me up at 5.30 in the afternoon then dragged me to the bookstore to buy this toy dinosaur Archie saw days ago. We also bought some scrapbooking supplies, then had dinner at McDo. At past 8, we were already on the way home .

We then prepared everything for her messy, fossil-making project.

Poor DinO, he had to stay there for the night.

Pito and I had some one on one nail care session too.

Oh yeah. His nails are now red. Thanks to me. :)

Bummer.

This afternoon I did something I've always hated to do- eat alone in an over crowded fast food resto.
sigh.
Not that I've never eaten alone in my whole life. In fact, I always do at home. Me plus the boob tube, that is. I did once, outside. Back in my senior year during high school but that was like a looong time ago. And back then, I didn't mind. But today I was really in a very bad mood that I felt like slapping someone across the face would be the most logical thing to do just so I could feel better than what I have been feeling for the past hours.
I wasn't feeling well because I skipped lunch just to go to some crowded internet shop and make revisions on our thesis. After reprinting the whole of chapters 1-3 all over again just so the page numbers would be on the bottom right rather than the center, we went back to our building and waited for an hour for our professor who was in a meeting. He arrived at around 3 pm then gave some lecture about cellular planning. I was only half listening though. All I was really thinking about back then was food.
The time he ended his lecture and said that we're free to go was also the time I was supposed to say Thank God it's Friday. That was before someone ruined everything. I know I should have accompanied him back to my place to fetch his things but for Christ's sake! I do have my own plans. My head's aching, The last meal I had was breakfast! If you still have an ounce of good thinking in you, you should have at least, had the slightest idea that the first thing I wanted to do was eat!
I was trying really hard not to get mad but damn it! I didn't know he was going somewhere! He stayed at my place last night and he didn't say anything. I was like, please don't look at me like I was being unfair because the last time I checked, I certainly do not know how to read minds! If you have plans, just say something. If there's anything I can do for you, I would gladly do it. Just please, let me know. You can't just be mad at me for not coming with you. That's bullshit. I had plans. So if you have your own just SAY SOMETHING. Of course I care about where you're at after school so don't just leave me hanging like that.

****
I went to Greenwich, ordered pasta then walked to the nearest table. As I passed this weird guy who was eating alone in a table for six, he looked at me and asked me to sit with him. Ha! I just rolled my eyes and smirked. So much for trying to be nice to people. If I wanted to sit with you, I should have said it first. He kept on looking at me while I ate and even moved my glass of coke away from the edge of the table. Baka daw kasi matapon.
That's why I hated being alone. I'm always a target for some attention-seeking older men.
After that yummy pasta, I decided to hit the grocery store and buy something for Pito, magazines, some more comfort food and orange-mango juice I was forced to buy just because the sales boy who approached me was cute. ;)
I realized it's not so bad that I'm having some quiet time solo. But then again, I was rehearsing these lines in my head back then so you can't really consider being alone on a Friday night and not talking to anybody as 'quiet' time.

Lost and Found

Just when I thought I lost someone, God nudged me to wake up from a really bad dream and reach out. To my surprise, I found his hand that was still there. I know it takes time to pick up broken fragments and fix something to make it good as new but I don't care if it's not easy. I just now in my heart that it'll be worth it.

SOS

Okay.
I know whining about how I hate school right now won't do much good but... Oh God I can't help it!

Tuesday.
First examination of the week was a disaster. Really. I couldn't imagine anything being more messed up than that exam in comm. system design and analysis. Just thinking about the exam questions make my stomach churn. And thinking about how I answered those exam questions makes me want to dig a hole in the ground and stay there for the rest of my life. It was a total mess! I now officially hate satellites! And elevation angles. And azimuths. And Earth stations. I hate them. :(

Thursday.
ECE Laws wasn't one of my favorites either. First item was ENUMERATION (55 pts.) wtf!

This time, weekends aren't as appealing as before. I still have to squeeze the following to my ever so precious 48 hours where I can just relax.

Okay. So here are the things that could potentially ruin my life.


1. Inverter circuit
2. Boost converter circuit
3. (stupid. stupid.) Stepper motor controller circuit (I'm still clueless about this one, don't have any idea what this is all about)
4. Microcontroller lab report for Look-Up Table using 7 segment LED display
5. Report for Microcontroller Laboratory Project No. 1 (7 segment LED with increment and decrement)
6. Report for Microcontroller Laboratory Midterm Exam. (Number 3)
7. Microwave Link Design Project
8. Prepare for Long exam in Power Electronics
9. Project on Navigational Aids Lecture Part I
10. Project on Navigational Aids Lecture Part II
11. Powerpoint presentation for Thesis Proposal defense next Thursday.

sigh.

If anyone's planning an escape route from all these, please, please, sign me up! Or I might as well consider digging that hole and staying there- not forever but until next weekend. After all, I still have my life to live. I am just so not up to it right now.

Give em and break em

Okaaay. Here's an update:
My i-feel-so-bad days were long gone and my life's now back to normal.
Not purely normal, I guess. For the 'normal' me is typically sleep deprived. But for the past week I've had lots of time to sleep, despite the deadline for one of our thesis proposals which I've put upon myself.
The result:
The oh so good feeling of not becoming sleep-deprived AND an unfinished proposal.
There you go- the best thing about self-imposed rules. You can always break them. :)
Archie and Merce are coming over tomorrow so we can work on our other two proposals and the microwave link project. God. I feel a lot better. That's loads better than doing it all by yourself at three o'clock in the morning while everybody else is sound asleep.

Note: I am definitely not feeling guilty about sticking to bed instead of doing my proposal. I'm almost done with the first chapter, I assigned chapter two to Billy and I need to talk to Merce and Archie about chapter 3 so I'm not doing it yet. And besides, chapter 3 is really short.

***Missing daddy.

Wednesday, August 6. Archie accompanied me and my family to send daddy off at the airport.
Daddy has been through a lot for the past year and I hated to see him go. There were no angel figurines this time. Only a lot of prayers that he comes back home in good shape.
I miss you daddy.

Knock knock.

Whoever thought that I am some kind of superwoman who can do a lot of things at the same time is definitely wrong.

I've got news for you.

Yeah, I did manage to finish an 80-page manuscript for an outside plant design of a 34,660 square meter subdivision on an exam week. That was four straight days of working on that manuscript, plus preparing for my exams and oral presentation, memorizing formulas, analyzing complex terms and accomplishing problem sets.
Those were more than I could handle.
But yeah, I got through it all. Hardly.
Don't tell me I need not do it all.
Oh please don't give me that crap.
Of course I had to do it all.
If you wanted to help all you had to do was come forward. Knock knock.
I hope you knew that I needed all the help I could get.

And now our project study has gone from bad to worse.
Please don't give me that I'm-not-interested look.
Knock knock.
We're supposed to be a TEAM.


Don't even think about it.
I am not a superwoman.
I know I can handle it. But please, you can't go MIA ALL THE TIME.

Deja vu?

It's been two weeks and I am still agonizing over my thesis proposals. I wish some people were not too smart on inventing things or getting them done so when I look up a device in mind it wouldn't be a product on sale. And my thesis adviser will not even think about giving me the you-just-saw-this-on-the-internet look. C'mon! Everything is on the internet now! You couldn't just present a thesis idea and say that it's very unique that you even tried looking for it in Google but your query did not match any entry!
Gimme a break.
That's as lame as trying to say that you just pulled it out your bedroom drawer.
Well, we had some ideas. But you couldn't just go straight to your thesis adviser and ask, 'Sir, am I making sense or what?' You'll need some solid facts. This is where Google comes in. And turning to Google during these times is not a crime. It's basically a necessity.

Deja vu- The illusion of having already experienced something actually being experienced for the first time. It is the impression of having seen or experienced something before.

This afternoon my ECE Laws and Ethics professor was telling us about how we must learn not to settle for a passing grade of 60% and aim for 80% instead since the passing grade for the ECE Board Exam is 70%. He talked non-stop about how come our college standard was just the same with the university standard when in fact it takes 70% and not 60% to pass the Board.
Okay. Point well taken. I admit we need that. Something to knock some sense into our heads.
But the thing is, he was talking about the very same thing last week!
It was so funny he even started his speech with, 'I haven't mentioned this before but...'. We were like, 'You've got to be kidding me! You were blabbing about this so much last week and that wasn't even the first time!'
And I couldn't help but roll my eyes when he said that it will only take 5 minutes. Ha! We spent 30 minutes talking about this last week! He even showed us the break down of our grades and said that we shouldn't settle for 60% because minus the attendance and homework, that only means that we only gained 30% knowledge from the things they teach us at school. And that 30% is very much far behind the 70% passing grade for the Board Exam. Needless to say, he spent 15 minutes instead of 5. He did it exactly like the way he showed it to us last week!
Deja vu? Definitely not!
Hahah :)

When it rains, it pours.

It's raining non-stop for the past two days and I hope it rains ideas for our project study too. I've been browsing the internet for some projects for days now. There were many but I still haven't found what I'm looking for. I just hope a decent idea hit me hard and fast. The submission for the proposed titles and problems is tomorrow. Darn. Darn. Darn. I had no idea it will be this hard. :(

Cavite is under storm signal no. 3 as of this morning. That is very good news for students like me. If this keeps up until tomorrow morning, or at least tonight, there will be no classes tomorrow! College level included! So that means more time to ponder on the perfect project study idea. Plus, another day without the looooong kaantok classes.


I may sound happy because I am sitting here infront of the computer, dry, safe and sound. But not everybody has reasons to celebrate. Thunderstorms are usually a nightmare for most Filipinos. To some it means 'yeah! NO CLASSES' but to many, this could cost them their homes, their families.. their lives. With one angry strike of strong winds and heavy rains, their world would come crashing down. At this point, a simple prayer is our hope for God is our only shelter.

God bless the Filipinos. God bless our families.

(photo taken from www. unicef.org)

Finally, it happened!

Finally.

After so many change of plans and attempts to reschedule, the high school get together actually happened. Thank God.

Okay. So here's why I thought the get together was not going to happen.

1. The initial plan was to visit the ecopark, have a picnic, go hiking or biking perhaps, boating, fishing, see the butterfly garden, enjoy a breath of fresh air, talk non-stop, reminisce, and laugh like there's no tomorrow.
2. With less than a week before the get together, only four people responded to the invites.. (Me and Shar included!) So technically, that's two people. Most friends have gone MIA.
3. Three days before the event, Jen decided she can't go. Then added that she will still be able to ONLY if we change the location to somewhere within Cavite.
4. I suggested the Paradizoo which is somewhat similar to the ecopark. We can still have a picnic, go hiking, see a butterfly garden, a vegetable and a flower farm, we can now feed farm animals, enjoy a breath of fresh air, talk non-stop, reminisce, and laugh like there's no tomorrow.

5. With less than two days, Carlo suggested we have a lasagna party c/o Jen, then we hit the movie house to see Kung fu Panda.
6. Ookkaay. So that means after days of planning and preparation there will be NO picnic, NO hiking, NO gardens, NO breath of fresh air.
Then again, we'll still be able to talk non-stop, reminisce, and laugh like there's no tomorrow. It's my friends I want to see, not the farm animals and the gardens. No harm done.

7. Saturday night, with less than 24 hours, I asked Carlo where the meeting place will be. Guess what? He said, 'Russell's place. 11.30 am.' Whaaat?! No Kung fu Panda?!
8. If I didn't catch Carlo on YM I would have gone to the mall waiting for people who obviously won't show up. So that left me as the get-together-planner-who-ended-up-being-on-the-wrong-place-because-she-wasn't-informed. Great.

So on June 15, 2008 the get together with high school friends actually happened! :) It was a lasagna party and DVD marathon at Russell's place. Jen was apologetic, it turned out that she didn't know my new cellphone number and had no idea that I didn't get her message.
I was soooo glad to see my friends again. We told each other stories from high school for the nine hundredth time yet we still laughed about it like we just heard it for the first time. We talked about life, college, internship and for some of us, a new challenge: Job Hunting!

With them, a movie marathon involves only ONE movie, a lot of reminscing, dozens of silly antics and countless stories to tell. So who cares if it's the ecopark or simply a lasagna party at home? Wherever it is or whaterver we do, we'd rather be together. :)

Happy Father's Day to My Angel in Disguise

I wake up every morning thinking of the wonderful gifts God has given to me. A wonderful family- mom, dad, my brother and sister, great friends, Archie.. They complete my life's superb cast.

Today, I want to give special thanks to my angel in disguise living here on earth pretending to be my father.

For his strength and selflessness in raising us, his children.
For having a way of putting things together. Always.
For making us feel special despite our imperfections.
For teaching me all about faith and hard work by being the perfect example.
For always believing that I can do great things. All more than what I give myself credit for.
For his faithful hand that lifts me up when I'm down.
For his breath of kindness that blows my loneliness away.
And for his kind heart that is always filled with love.
I am very fortunate to have a gem of a father.

***
My dad has been working as a seaman for twenty years. Once a year he leaves for work which usually lasts for 10 long months or more. When I was young, I save up money so I can buy him something before he leaves. After all, it will be long before I see him again. I usually wait until he's finished packing, then I'll sneak up to their room and secretly put my gift into his luggage. And do you know what I bought for him every year?
It was always an angel figurine.
Something to watch over him while he was miles away from home. Back then, I didn't know that I was giving an 'angel' to my very own angel.

Dad.
It's a three letter word that means the world to me. If I have to give you something for all the things you've done and sacrificed for me and for the family, I wouldn't just give you anything.
I will give you my life.

Happy Father's Day daddy. I love you. :)

It's the Nightmare vs the Jackpot

Let's talk s-c-h-o-o-l.

My first three days were so unforgiving. I mean, I was only back three days and I've already got enough things to do to last me the whole semester! (This is where the exasperated sigh comes in.)
I am going nuts.
First, there's the whole thesis thing. Plus the outside plant communication system design, plus lots of homework, and lots of programming to learn. C'mon! And it's only our first week!
(optimistic side butts in)
Think about it. 365 days from now, you'll have nothing like these to worry about. No more thesis making, and lab reports and homework. You can have all the good times you want.
(another exasperated sigh)
Oh yeah?
Board exam.
Ring a bell?

I'm doomed.

***
Wednesday.
I was almost late for school. Thanks to my stupid alarm clock which chose to be fully dysfunctional right on my first day. Met up with Archie then we went to school together. School's a good 15 minutes away from my house, that's minus the 10 minute exhausting- and -sweaty walk from the gate to the classrooms.
I could have jumped up and down and thanked the God of Good Timing when I saw Ikot La Salle near the gym. That is, if I had coupons then but I didn't. My bad. I thought they were strictly implementing their 'no coupon, no ride' policy so we had to choose the 10 minute exhausting-and-sweaty (I think this needs emphasis) walk. Later I found out that you are allowed to ride even without a coupon, because you can just buy a coupon right then and there. wtf!
I thought seeing my friends again was making up for my exhausting and sweaty morning, that was until Sir Reyes entered the classroom and I realized that it was a nightmare all over again.

Note: My mean self is about to take over, but please keep in mind that my normal self still has a lot of respect for the guy. Well, yeah. Sometimes.

You see, he handled our Industrial Electronics Laboratory last semester. He's really smart but the semester still didn't turn out good. In fact, it was a nightmare. He gave out tons of work load with so little time to spare and after spending so much time and money for his 'projects' and writing 20 pages long reports in engineering lettering, he'll be happy to give you a 2/10 with an evil smirk on his face (consider yourself lucky if it's a 4/10). He's like a hungry cat hunting down small, helpless rats. So we always try to get out of his way as much as we could, afraid to be eaten alive. I mean, if you still want your free time, you'd better hide from this professor!
So when I saw him enter our classroom, I knew right then that I won't be too fond of Wednesdays.

Luckily, our Wednesday class was only until 11.30, so Archie and I had lunch together then went to Fun House where I saw this cute memo clip. We didn't have enough tickets for the memo clip by then so we bought tokens and played Slam-a-Winner. We always have a contest on who gets more tickets. It was clear that I've lost when Archie hit the jackpot on his first try! That's 125 tickets in a flash! And I was very disappointed when my ball landed on 1 but the machine still gave out 125 tickets.

Lucky me.


We got enough tickets for my memo clip and a small toy car I brought home for Pito. :)

Different Types of Morning Torture

The day before I come back to class (the last day I could sleep in), Pito woke me up at six thirty in the morning by putting his little finger into my nose. The cute little guy has a knack for being annoying sometimes. My hope of going back to sleep vanished into thin air when he yelled 'aaattteeee' (the evolution of his previous 'achiii') and tried all his might to crawl up my bed. By doing that, he meant business. That means I have to play with him whether I like it or not and the motto is, 'Sure my little sweetness, you're the boss!'. There goes the first kind of morning torture.
Don't get me wrong, I love playing with the little guy. But not at six thirty in the morning! I heard his new nanny will arrive this week so he will probably go home this Sunday. Now he's taking a nap and I'm stuck here fuming about how I do not want this day to end and how each minute that passed brought me closer to tons of lab reports, long kaantok class hours and thesis making! At least they were easing us back to school by starting on a Wednesday, just three days till the weekend. Thank God.
I would probably feel better if I stop blabbing about how much I dislike going back to school. So I'll just tell you about a strange thing that happened to me Sunday morning.
STRIKE ONE
I woke up at about 10 past 9 in the morning thinking only of one thing. 'What time ba is Jollitown?' Funny. Jollibee must have visited me in my dreams and offered me lots of fries and ice cream and jolly hotdogs. Being the glutton (I am exaggerating) that I am, that must have made me extremely happy and all I thought about upon waking up is to watch his show.


STRIKE TWO
Later that afternoon, I was with Tita Ana and Tita Marie. We were driving around town in search of the perfect place for their planned grocery business. All of a sudden it was like, Jollibee strikes again! We saw this and we were on the verge of being amazed. We are probably among the last people to know about Jollibee on Wheels but it did not stop us from walking closer to take a good look at it.


I thought there will be a STRIKE THREE for Jollibee, but there wasn't. Or at least not within that day.
I also busied myself designing class schedules for me and ate during the weekend. The first one's my schedule. Minus the red marks, of course. Uggghh. I still can't get over the fact that my class starts at 7am! Bummer.

What's In the Box?

It all began one hot summer during high school. Together with two of my friends, we decided to write each other letters, as a way of keeping in touch during the vacation. Apart from the usual text messaging and telephone calls, of course. Letters were something I’ve always fancied. I am a sucker for colorful packaging, so any bright and multicolored stationery call out to me.

So there I was, writing letters for my dear friends, telling them stories that made me laugh and cry. They were not just simple letters stuffed into envelopes. Crammed into those small colorful envelopes are the joy and sorrow of our friendship, and the slightest touch of affection that kept our friendship from going flat. Those letters relieved us of our longing to see each other again, and jogged our memories that we maybe separated by miles, but our hearts cannot be bothered by any distance.

For once or twice a week I welcome the mailman with a hearty smile, happy to be given my letters. After reading them several times over, I keep them carefully in a decorated shoebox. It was a self-made repository of my treasured letters. And through the years the letters grew in number. My shoebox contains not only letters from friends, but from my family too, and from the man I love. On folded pieces of paper are soothing words of ‘Thank you!’ and ‘I’m here for you’, and a whole lot of ‘I love you!’. Once in a while, I get my shoebox from the shelf and read my letters. They are something I can always touch, read, and rely on when my life becomes difficult, reminders of the wonderful people I have in my life. My blessings. Inside that decorated shoebox are love and comfort that I can always believe in, even when I am alone. As of now, I could no longer put down the cover of the shoebox properly. They were many, but they will never be enough. I would never want to stop receiving letters, for in each of them are pieces of my heart, and each have contributed to the woman I’ve become. Gifts of great beauty and value are nothing compared to a humble, decorated shoebox filled with joy and love. It’s something that cannot be bought, and a loyal memento that the best things in life are free (minus the postage stamp cost, that is!). And sometimes, they come in folded papers of all shapes and sizes.

I decorated another shoebox for keepsakes of all sorts- from bracelets to candy wrappers. You maybe are wondering why I keep all these ‘trash’. But never for a moment did I consider them as trash. They are pieces of me too, in their sticky and cluttered form. :)