'Failure is the best starting point.'
I'm about to prove this- right when I'm over this feeling which 110% SUCKS.
****
The fact that I can hardly open my eyes from so much crying last night does not stop me from dragging myself out of bed to write this post. I have too much on my mind right now and I just wish I could just flush them all down the drain. This would probably help. How I wish.
I used to be this college student who has set a certain rule upon herself and her college life. I can get good grades if I want to, I can settle for low grades if that's what I deserve but never in my entire history of college will I get a failed mark and have to retake the subject again. That would be unacceptable. Or so I thought.
I've held on for that thought for almost 5 years. It was something I believed will keep me different from most people who's taken the same subject twice or thrice. I've once written a letter of complaint about this professor and got away with it, while everybody who has signed the letter I've written apparently did not and still had to retake that subject over the summer. That was a close call. But I got away with it.
Few years back, we all had to scramble just to get our grades up on DC/AC circuits. We had a hard time putting up with a professor who is so brainy we couldn't even get his exams right. I thought I needed a miracle to pass the subject. Unexpectedly, a miracle did happen. That was a close call. But I got away with it.
Although I couldn't understand the words coming from his mouth, I've kept up with a certain professor for a year. I remember straining my ears just to try and understand whatever it is that he was saying. Every single day, all I had heard right was a just a single word. Yeah, just one word for a day. Try listening to someone who chews his tongue like a bubblegum. I doubt you'd understand a word. It was that hard. That's a year wasted and I half expected a failed mark. That was another close call. But I got away with it.
I used to comfort friends once they see that 0.00. I'd always tell them that it's gonna be alright and everything will turn out fine. Until now.
Apparently, these comforting lines proved to be of no effect when applied to self. It's just not working.
I can't really tell what exactly happened. But I can't deny that it was my fault. I can't stop thinking about those times that I should really be studying. Surely I can't bring those back. And now's the time to feel sorry. I feel more scared than sorry. I am graduating by March next year. Or so I thought.
I can't say I was taken by surprise. I was half expecting it. But I was still holding on to the fact that I can get away with it once more. But I was wrong. Now I know how it feels to be such a failure. It sucks.
I've talked to Archie, listened to Shar, said sorry to mom and dad but I still don't think anything could turn out right again after this. All my hopes are gone. I can't even see the famous silver lining on this very dark cloud.
I feel awful.
And scared.
Like a ball dumped into a dark, empty space and couldn't bounce back.
I'm about to prove this- right when I'm over this feeling which 110% SUCKS.
****
The fact that I can hardly open my eyes from so much crying last night does not stop me from dragging myself out of bed to write this post. I have too much on my mind right now and I just wish I could just flush them all down the drain. This would probably help. How I wish.
I used to be this college student who has set a certain rule upon herself and her college life. I can get good grades if I want to, I can settle for low grades if that's what I deserve but never in my entire history of college will I get a failed mark and have to retake the subject again. That would be unacceptable. Or so I thought.
I've held on for that thought for almost 5 years. It was something I believed will keep me different from most people who's taken the same subject twice or thrice. I've once written a letter of complaint about this professor and got away with it, while everybody who has signed the letter I've written apparently did not and still had to retake that subject over the summer. That was a close call. But I got away with it.
Few years back, we all had to scramble just to get our grades up on DC/AC circuits. We had a hard time putting up with a professor who is so brainy we couldn't even get his exams right. I thought I needed a miracle to pass the subject. Unexpectedly, a miracle did happen. That was a close call. But I got away with it.
Although I couldn't understand the words coming from his mouth, I've kept up with a certain professor for a year. I remember straining my ears just to try and understand whatever it is that he was saying. Every single day, all I had heard right was a just a single word. Yeah, just one word for a day. Try listening to someone who chews his tongue like a bubblegum. I doubt you'd understand a word. It was that hard. That's a year wasted and I half expected a failed mark. That was another close call. But I got away with it.
I used to comfort friends once they see that 0.00. I'd always tell them that it's gonna be alright and everything will turn out fine. Until now.
Apparently, these comforting lines proved to be of no effect when applied to self. It's just not working.
I can't really tell what exactly happened. But I can't deny that it was my fault. I can't stop thinking about those times that I should really be studying. Surely I can't bring those back. And now's the time to feel sorry. I feel more scared than sorry. I am graduating by March next year. Or so I thought.
I can't say I was taken by surprise. I was half expecting it. But I was still holding on to the fact that I can get away with it once more. But I was wrong. Now I know how it feels to be such a failure. It sucks.
I've talked to Archie, listened to Shar, said sorry to mom and dad but I still don't think anything could turn out right again after this. All my hopes are gone. I can't even see the famous silver lining on this very dark cloud.
I feel awful.
And scared.
Like a ball dumped into a dark, empty space and couldn't bounce back.
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